WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! If you are one of those bitter single people that isn't about to read another mushy lovey-dovey valentines post, fear not. Take a deep breath and keep reading. It's going to be okay, promise!
Now obviously, if you are indeed single and you are indeed bitter then you might be saying to me (or really just to your computer screen) at this point, "how can you even acknowledge this holiday created by Hallmark?", or "and what's happy about it?!?", or "Valentines? No! Happy Singles Awareness Day aka S.A.D." I get it. I've heard them all. Heck, I've said them all. Other than one year of an ill-fated long-distance relationship, I have managed to find myself single each and every Valentine's day of my life. To recap, that's 27 out of 28. So know that I speak from a position of understanding. But this year, rather than bemoaning my lot in life, I've compiled a list of reasons that you should feel happy and perhaps even lucky/relieved, even on this day that tends to highlight things that others may have that you don't.
10. You don't have to claw and scratch for a ritzy restaurant reservation on the exact same day and time as...well, you know, everyone else and their mom!
9. The internal struggle between that cliche, overdone gift of flowers and chocolate vs. the high risk/reward lingerie gift vs. the original gift of ??? that will absolutely be hit or miss because it's never been tried before is gone. No struggle, no stress, and we all could use less stress right?
8. Speaking of flowers, you are one person who will not be a chump and get taken to the cleaners by your "friendly" neighborhood florist when they double the price of roses for the couple weeks leading up to today. True story, I drove past a flower shop this morning and A. the parking lot was as full as I've ever seen it, and B. I chuckled as I watched men timidly take the walk inside to meet their floral fate.
7. As the song alludes to, you may have 99 problems but a b---- ain't one. That's not to say all women are that way, in fact, I'd say far from it. But, you have taken control of this situation to where it isn't even a possibility, kudos.
6. What's that new romantic comedy that everyone is going to be talking about?...Oh wait, you don't know, you don't care. Your relationship status officially exempts you from the requirement of watching whatever it is. Which is great, because there is basketball on tonight. There are also other not-romantic-comedy movies that can be watched if basketball isn't your flavor.
5. Sweatpants! You can wear them all day and all night today if you want to. Dinner-sweatpants, movie-sweatpants, other places-sweatpants.......flower shop? Sweatpants! Sweatpants are comfy, and won't be a fashion faux-pas for you my friend.
4. No awkward silences. Awkward silence on a normal date=bad. Awkward silence on a Valentines date=worse.
3. You can laugh at any and all love-themed commercials with no fear of retaliation. Go ahead, do it! Laughter is the best medicine-trust me, I'm almost a pharmacist.
2. The more single Valentines days you accrue, the more interest you can also accrue on that money sitting in the bank and not being spent on diamonds...
1. You are a free agent in the dating game, and thus ready to pounce when girls break up with the guys they WERE dating who screwed up Valentines day, enjoy the day off, and happy hunting tomorrow!
